Mizpah
My memory fails to remind me of the last time I had stayed up till morn until last night when I found myself trapped in insomnia.
Insomniac nights are disturbing. When weariness overcomes you after drudging all day long, what you need real bad is some sort of detachment from whatever causes you to jade. There is tiredness- physical, mental. Sometimes all you ache for is some sound sleep so that you could, for those couple of hours, get yourself some kind of freedom from the never ending intricacies of life. A natural and periodic state of rest during which consciousness of the world would actually be suspended. Perfectly fine. You call it Sopor. I longed for it but couldn't get it. Poor me.
There are times when you have countless number of questions roaming around the corners of your head. You exactly know why you feel that unease and suffocation. You know how those answers could be sought. You know who could actually account to those queries. You know every goddamn thing but you still fail. You still fail to pacify yourself. To comfort yourself. Such a hapless situation it is! You pity yourself for not being able to solve the mystery which is eating you up. From within.
Yes, life is unpredictable and it should be so. Otherwise, the monotony would make it so boring. Sometimes, things take such a course that you start doubting your own instincts. You know what hurts more? It is when all your assumptions which you had been following all the way through this journey come out to be false. Completely flawed. That's where it hits the most. You get blinded by those faulty notions and end up strangulating yourself by the same chains of pipe dreams which once upon a time used to be looked up to. As simple as that.
You know what, sometimes you prefer silence to anything else because you know that it is way better than anything which may fluctuate your already stumbling stand. And maybe because you are dumbfounded by how outlooks have undergone such terrible modifications. And maybe because you feel like you've been proven wrong which was something really unimaginable. Uncalled for.
FYI, the original version of this note is something which I would never publish. It's just too straight forward.
Because sometimes, there are stories which are better left unsaid, unpublished.
And yeah, that's how life goes. :')
Insomniac nights are disturbing. When weariness overcomes you after drudging all day long, what you need real bad is some sort of detachment from whatever causes you to jade. There is tiredness- physical, mental. Sometimes all you ache for is some sound sleep so that you could, for those couple of hours, get yourself some kind of freedom from the never ending intricacies of life. A natural and periodic state of rest during which consciousness of the world would actually be suspended. Perfectly fine. You call it Sopor. I longed for it but couldn't get it. Poor me.
There are times when you have countless number of questions roaming around the corners of your head. You exactly know why you feel that unease and suffocation. You know how those answers could be sought. You know who could actually account to those queries. You know every goddamn thing but you still fail. You still fail to pacify yourself. To comfort yourself. Such a hapless situation it is! You pity yourself for not being able to solve the mystery which is eating you up. From within.
Yes, life is unpredictable and it should be so. Otherwise, the monotony would make it so boring. Sometimes, things take such a course that you start doubting your own instincts. You know what hurts more? It is when all your assumptions which you had been following all the way through this journey come out to be false. Completely flawed. That's where it hits the most. You get blinded by those faulty notions and end up strangulating yourself by the same chains of pipe dreams which once upon a time used to be looked up to. As simple as that.
You know what, sometimes you prefer silence to anything else because you know that it is way better than anything which may fluctuate your already stumbling stand. And maybe because you are dumbfounded by how outlooks have undergone such terrible modifications. And maybe because you feel like you've been proven wrong which was something really unimaginable. Uncalled for.
FYI, the original version of this note is something which I would never publish. It's just too straight forward.
Because sometimes, there are stories which are better left unsaid, unpublished.
And yeah, that's how life goes. :')
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