LESSONS FROM MY NOT-SO-PERSONAL DIARY

Nostalgia- I find this word appealing in the sense that by mouthing it, I feel a sudden flush of emotions running down my spine. May be that is what you call fluctuations - hormonal fluctuations. I feel blessed to have captured some of the moments of my life in writing, thanks to my habit of making diary entries.

Today, the beautiful rains gave some sort of relief to the scorching heat over here. And thanks to the sore- throat too, which gave me the chance to relish kehwa after intervals. As the stage was set, my eyes fell on this red notebook. I knew what it contained and what it meant for me. I couldn't ignore it. The temptation was just too hard to resist it. It was my personal diary. I took it in my hands and the journey started. 

The pages were filled with words and words. Endless stories and each complimented with a sticker at the end. Some entries started on a note of happiness and delight. Some, sorrow. These emotions, I tell you, have an upper hand on every chapter of our lives and may be, that's the real beauty of being a human. As I turned the pages of my diary, I was filled with a feeling of rejuvenation. While going through the pages, I could actually feel my life passing in front of my eyes. I felt like living those moments again. Yeah, flashback is the word. A feeling of compassion and security surrounds me when I realize how truly lucky I've been through all these years, Alhumdulillah. There have been people who have had their influence on me in one way or the other. The latest version of 'me' is an amalgamation of all the influence which I've finally decided to absorb.

My experiences made me realize that the only thing that has been omnipresent is change. Ideas, views, thoughts, attitude, definition of things, actions, purpose - every darned thing undergoes a change. Change is inevitable. Life can't be judged in one instance only. There are so many things we got to frown for, feel sorry for, regret for but we can't rewind the time in any way. A learning process needs to be adopted. Life is unpredictable. It's all about discovering new ways to keep ourselves in sync with the changing times. It's out of my knowledge to explain it but it has always surprised me and left me in a dilemma to decide the ways to tackle with the intricacy attached to it. It's all about how one untangles oneself  from the clutches of this darned thing. Whatever, it has never failed to cast its impression on me- be it good or bad.

Every time I turn the pages of my diary, I feel happy. It gives me a chance to analyse myself, to compare and contrast my life. What I feel is that that we have unnecessarily made our lives way too complicated. Sometimes I fail to understand as to what keeps me busy! There's space, there's time but my mind is occupied all the time, with God knows what!

My diary ends with a quote written with a blood-red marker. It says: 

"Till you desire you live, satisfaction will be your death."

And I couldn't agree more.

© Aiman